


Mabel Juice Bites

by MindscapeWish



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alcohol, BillDip if you squint, Birthday, Gen, Mabel Juice, Vampires, Werewolves, adult mystery twins, crackfic, they're drunk as shit, twilight - Freeform, waddles was not harmed in the making of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26247493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MindscapeWish/pseuds/MindscapeWish
Summary: Dipper, Mabel, and Bill get drunk while watching Twilight on the Mystery Twins' 21st birthday. Arguments and drunken antics ensue.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Mabel Juice Bites

“...And you’re  _ sure _ this isn’t an awful idea?” Dipper crossed his arms and shot a pointedly raised eyebrow at Mabel.

“I’m not sure at all but who cares! It’s our birthday!” Mabel took the entire vodka bottle and poured it all into the pitcher containing Mabel Juice. If edible glitter, plastic dinosaurs, enough energy drinks and sugar to last a kid three years, and something Dipper did not want to know the name of, weren’t enough to kick someone’s ass into gear, the vodka would definitely do it single handedly.

It was a nightmare. A horror show, even. Dipper had a feeling he was not going to be remembering the night of their 21st birthday ever again.

Dipper’s nose crinkled to the sight of the copious amounts of nightmares being shook up in the pitcher, lid on top. “I’m not drinking that, Mabes.”

“Oh  _ yes _ , you  _ are _ , because I have Bill here for that exact reason.” Mabel pointed over her shoulder with her thumb to where a familiar blonde with a shiteating grin sat on the couch in the living room.

“What makes you think I’m doing what he says?” Seriously. Bill didn’t control Dipper even if he most commonly did what he said. What? Bill was  _ very _ persuasive. Read: deceitful and conniving.

“The fact that he has dirt on every little thing you’ve ever done.” Mabel looked too proud of herself to bring that up. Dipper flushed bright red and glared at her. It wasn’t  _ his _ fault Bill was nosy as hell. He probably knew all of Mabel’s secrets too!

“That has nothing to do with this! But-- point made. Ugh.” Dipper slapped a hand over his face and rubbed it. He was screwed. He had kinda wanted to remember his birthday, but hey, at least he’d remember the act of being piss drunk.

“Mhmm.” Mabel smirked and turned around to grab the glasses. “Thought so. Go get the movie started.”

“Yo, Shooting Star,  _ why _ on my green earth did you choose Twilight of all things to watch tonight?” Bill shouted from the living room.

Mabel interrupted Dipper’s “It’s not  _ your _ green earth” with, “Because I want to watch and diss it. That’s the beauty of being an adult. Booze and sardonicism!”

Dipper flopped down onto the middle cushion of the couch, Bill on his left with his arm behind him along the couch’s back. “Have you ever seen it or are you just fuelling the fire for the hell of it?”

“Oh, for sure,” Bill replied nonchalantly. “How else am I supposed to cook up unexplainable nightmares?”

Dipper gave a weird look. Bill of all people watching a shitty chick flick? Now that he thought about it, it  _ was _ Bill’s MO to do the exact opposite of what one expects him to do. Damn. “Twilight’s your muse now?”

Bill cast him an even wider shark grin than before. “Always has been, sweetcheeks. Pass the remote.” 

Once the remote control was in his hand, he pressed a button that got the DVD player up and running. The usual copyright flashplays and previews passed by the screen, taking an eternity even when Bill kept hitting skip every single second he had to sit through it.

It was mind numbing, but Dipper was happy to zone out to prepare for the upcoming bullshit that he was being plagued with on his  _ birthday _ no less. It was Mabel’s birthday too, but come on!

Mabel came out with three huge cups of Mabel Juice, one for each. Dipper had a feeling most of the pitcher was gone now, if not completely in these cups.

“Drink up, bitches!” she announced, plopping down into her seat. “Let’s go!”

Dipper took a sip from his cup while Bill hit play on the menu screen and cringed. “Oh, jesus. I know exactly what’s in this, but what the hell, Mabes?”

“It’s our 21st birthday, Dippin’ Dots,” Mabel scoffed, waving her hand dismissively in his direction. “It’s the first real time we can legally drink and I’m gonna  _ fuck us up _ .”

“Sure are.” Bill, on the other hand, didn’t look fazed at all from the drink. He was used to chaos--  _ lived _ in it even. Mabel’s concoction was no match for his bullshit.

“Ugh. Let’s just get this Twilight stuff over with,” Dipper mumbled, bringing his knee up to his chest. This was going to be an interesting night.

The first sight of the doe in the first scene of the movie already had Dipper regretting all of his life choices. He hated this stupid movie with all the dramatic, inconsistant and borderline abusive details. Dipper took a big gulp of his Mabel Juice and felt his body begin to buzz pleasantly.

By the time they watched up to Edward introducing Bella to the rest of his weird ass family, Dipper and Mabel were drunk as hell and bickering over the comments Dipper made outloud to every part he didn’t like. Bill, on the other hand, couldn’t get as drunk as easily and was merely buzzed.

“I meeeeean, c’mon!” Dipper’s voice cracked into a high pitch on the last word, but he was too drunk to realize and be humiliated about it. “OhHhHh I watch you when you sleeep, how  _ romantic. _ ”

“He cares about her!” Mabel protested, nearly squeaking. Both of their words were slurring horribly together, nearly incomprehensible. “It’s romantic!”

“It’s stalking!” Dipper shot back, raising his cup and throwing some more back. He swallowed hard, the vodka in the Mabel Juice burning his throat. “And wooOOooW I’m so weak, please take care of me like a  _ baby. _ ” He mocked Bella with a twisted face.

“You’re jussssst mad because you don’ have anybody,” Mabel giggled, slumping over onto Dipper. Her entire body weight was on him, slipping down onto his lap and just barely sitting up.

Bill put a stop to the bickering. “Now, now, no playing dirty. The  _ real _ questions here are: team Edward or team Jacob?” He looked over at them, eyes full of evil for he knew  _ exactly _ what type of argument he was sparking up here.

“Edward!” Mabel shrieked, throwing her cup-hand up into the air. The drink sloshed around, but luckily didn’t spill on them or the couch.

“No way!” Dipper exclaimed. “Jacob all the way!” He had an allegiance to that damn wolf boy since he first saw the movie, even if he hated it with all of his guts. There was something about the tattoos that screamed awesome.

“You’re just gaaaaay,” Mabel giggled. She messily took another gulp of her spiked Mabel Juice, lips covered in edible glitter.

“Noooo,” Dipper half-heartedly protested, though he totally failed at sounding convincing. Mabel was right. “Ja-” He hiccupped, slouching over onto Bill since he was the only thing that didn’t feel like it was spinning. “Jaacob’s a  _ dog. _ And y’know what doooogs are?” Dipper giggled, smiling all drunken and woozy. “A man’s best friend! Sooo he’s perfect for Bella.”

“But Edward’s hot!” Mabel whined. “He’s sparklyyy n’ brooding n’ perfect for her all the way!”

“Vampiresss don’t sparkle!” Dipper threw his hands up, his drink sloshing onto his shirt. He didn’t care to clean it up. “Shhe wouldn’t have been bitten and harmed if she was with Jacob!"

“You’re just biased.” Mabel stuck her tongue out at Dipper childishly, who gaped back at her.

“No you!"

“Oooh, throwing that uno reverse card out there,” Bill whistled. “Bold move.” Could he ever shut up? Dipper smacked him in the neck and shoved Mabel off of his lap.

“Phhysical appearance doessn’t make someone a good boyfriend!” Dipper announced. He shot up and swayed on his feet just to turn around and point accusingly at them both. They blinked up at him.

“But it makes up for it.” Mabel pointed back at him like the Spiderman meme. When she realized and made the connection, she burst into a fit of abrupt laughter-- snorting, cackling, the whole nine yards.

Dipper curled his lip, trying to keep his balance. “Wha’s that for?”

“The--The meme!” his twin wheezed. She got her hair caught into her braces, but wasn’t sober enough to care. “Spiiiiiderman, Spiderman--- spider  _ pig! _ ”

“Spiderpig?”

Mabel gasped and threw herself up to her feet, slamming her cup down onto the table. “Waddles! My baby! Where is heeee?” She stumbled her away around the hallways trying to find her huge pet pig.

“He’s in the fridge,” Bill called after her.

“What?” Mabel looked at him with big bright eyes, innocent and truly believing he was telling the truth.

“Yeah.” Bill did his best to keep back a grin. “Check the top shelf.”

Mabel made a panicked squawking sound and went running for the fridge. She threw the door open and shoved her hand inside, swishing it back and forth. “Waddles?!” Her hand landed on a pack of bacon, all 14 slices sealed up for the next morning.

“You found him?”

“Noooooo!” Mabel cried, sinking down to her knees. She clutched the bacon to her chest as tears made her already swimming vision even more blurry, streaking down her cheeks. “Waddlesss! I-I looooved you so much! Who did this?!”

Bill bit down onto his fist to keep from laughing out loud. Dipper gave him a dirty look and watched the actual pig step across the living room from outside.

“Ma--” Dipper hiccupped, “Mabel, Waddles is here. Not bacon.”

“What?!” Mabel sniffled and poked her head around the corner, though smashed the side of it against the wall by accident. The vodka numbed her from the pain. Upon sight of her chubby pet, she gasped and dropped the bacon, then lunged for him. The fridge dragged itself closed.

“WADDLES! I’m never letting youuu go! Bill, you stupid poophead triangle!” Mabel practically  _ laid _ on top of her pet, stuffing her face into his body to wipe away her tears.

Dipper was about to hit Bill with the remote control, but everyone was interrupted by Bella’s dramatic scream in the ballet studio after being bitten by James-- the greasy haired, sleazy blonde with looks like he belongs in a bad boy soap opera.

As much as Dipper hated it, he was fixated on the quick action happening. The twins dragged themselves back to the couch with wide, dilated eyes focused on the TV screen.

“Hooray for massive violence!” Bill cheered, toasting his drink up and downing the rest of it in one go. Alice snapping James’s neck made the maniac giggle like a little kid. The cracking sounds were always fun.

The dramatic, angel-singing background music when Bella passed out had all three of them entranced like a cobra with a snake tamer. The movie inched past the obsessive ‘you can’t leave me!’ and the scene where Edward picked Bella up for the dance.

“She leans any further back, she’s being Thanos’ed,” Dipper mumbled, watching Edward kiss Bella’s neck in a horribly uncomfortable position.

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” Mabel smacked Dipper’s chest, melting into all the soft gross sappy feels that the dance scene brought. “It’s  _ romantic! _ ” she then sighed dreamily.

“Whatever you say. Thank god it’s over.”

The credits rolled, sending them into pitch black darkness. Bill looked down from the TV to see both the twins passed out against each other now that the light wasn’t flashing in front of their eyes from the movie.

“Happy birthday, fleshsacks,” the demon mumbled. He then tilted his head back and passed out along with them.

Dipper was right when he had thought the Mabel Juice was a bad idea. When he woke up the next morning, Mabel’s hair was in his mouth, drool was on his shirt, his head pounded like a sledgehammer, and he couldn’t remember any of the night before.

He groaned and peeled his eyes open, smacking his dry lips together. He couldn’t recollect anything except-- 

Dipper’s eyes landed on the DVD case.

“Twilight?!”

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, DIPPER AND MABEL!
> 
> God, it feels just like yesterday that the show ended. They're fictional characters but I'm still proud of our favorite twins. This show has meant a whole lot to me, so their birthday is important to me.
> 
> My friend Lucifer suggested this prompt and I ran with it because why not? I wrote it in the span of two distracted nights, so it's not at its very best, but I think that the silliness and the drunken antics come from being less pristine and more sloppy than usual. I don't know, that's just me.
> 
> Twilight when I was young used to be my very favorite movie (series), but it was hell recalling everything. It's cringy but kinda nostalgic looking back at it, y'know?
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! Please consider checking out my tumblr mindscapewish-writes and maybe support me.
> 
> Let me know what you thought in the comments! If you're reading this, tell me: team Edward or team Jacob?


End file.
